söndag 13 februari 2011

Jag har gått och väntat på att få ett tecken om att bättre tider väntar. Något hoppfullt i detta trista som kallas livet. Något att se fram emot. Idag kom det.

Jag var ju ute och gick nu precis. Därför att jag behövde luft. Behövde känna NÅGOT. Höll på att kvävas här inne. När jag hade traskat i typ 5-10 minuter ställde jag mig med ansiktet mot solen en stund och bara njöt. Kände att det kanske inte alls är så hemskt, livet. Att det finns fina saker i världen också och inte bara negativitet och svart eller vitt.


Här stod jag och tänkte. (Se bild ovan) Kände solens strålar i aniktet och kylan som bet i kinderna. Det var helt vindstilla. Började så smått känna hopp om livet igen och inse att livet kanske inte alltid är så svart som jag ibland målar upp det.
Det var då det hände.


Från ingenstans kom miljoner och åter miljoner med små, små snöflingor. Fjäderlätta, pudriga flingor virvlade omkring hela mig. Det kändes inte som att det blåste, men det måste det ju ha gjort eftersom hela jag stod i ett eldorado av snöflingor. De yrde omkring mig. Gnistrade som tusentals diamanter i solens ljus. Det var så sagolikt vackert och overkligt att jag höll på att börja grina. Det var det finaste jag sett. Faktiskt. Det kändes som om jag var med i en jävla Disneyfilm!

Det kändes verkligen som att det var ett tecken. Jag är inte på något sätt religiös eller så, men det hela var så surrealistiskt så jag vet inte vad jag ska tro. Det kändes som det var ett tecken på att det finns vackra ting att glädjas åt, att ljusare, finare, bättre tider är på väg. Som att jag inte ska sluta tro och inte sluta hoppas. Jag vill verkligen tro att det verkligen VAR ett tecken.


Jag har gråtit, jag har tiggt, jag har gjort allt jag kan för att be om en ljusning i mörkret, ett tecken om att det snart ska bli bättre.

Idag kom det.

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pixan sa...

Å, klart det var ett tecken! Om ett år ( kanske) du går samma väg med barnvagn, lätt mjölkstockning och analyserar en tidigare blöjas innehåll!!
Det kommer vara HELT UNDERBART och värt att vänta varenda sekund på!!
KRAMAR!!

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Härliga bilder och du skriver så fint!

Ibland känns allt väldigt mörkt och jobbigt och hopplöst. Då behöver man såna där tecken, små eller stora, på att det trots allt finns vackra saker runt omkring oss.
Jag tror absolut att det var ett tecken och att du ska fortsätta tro och hoppas!
Kram!

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Vackert!

/L

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Så vackert du beskriver något fantastiskt som du upplevde. Måste vara ett tecken. Kram!

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:D måste ju bara vara ett tecken!!

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MÅSTE vara ett tecken alltså!!! :D jag håller i alla fall tummar och tår!

Styrkekramar! & du, du kommer bli en awesome mamma :)

KRAM!!! (lising)

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